Taking It All Back
by Midnight In Charming
Summary: Tara's left at home feeling devestated as Jax is in Ireland trying to get back Their son.   Her thoughts on every thing he said before he left  One shot  Tara/Jax povs  Please note , the storyline is based on the tv show version but may include/exclude pa


A-n – First one shot so be nice  
>I'm looking for Feedback for this one since I'm really interested in writing a novel based on these to for fan fiction. So id love your feedback thanks. Description – Some of it , goes by the actual program others have been changed to fit in with feelings , emotions etc<p>

Author – **Soa-Samcro**  
>Type – <strong>One shot<strong>  
>Pairing – <strong>Jax and Tara<strong>  
>Rate -<strong> M<strong> (due to Language)  
>Song's – <strong>Ron Pope – A drop in the ocean<strong>

**One Shot**

**Taking it all back**

**Tara pov**

Tara walked out of the clubhouse, slamming the door as she went. Fucking hypocrite, she thought her thoughts rushing around in her head, She had arrived home last night after Gemma had been rushed to the hospital with a suspect heart attack, She'd spent the night sat in the nursery, hugging Abeles favourite blanket as the bottle of Jack Daniels was wedged between her knees the bottle top some were on the Floor.

The last few days had been the longest , watching Half sack die had petrified Tara and something in her , something in her broke as she watched someone she classed as a friend puffing and panting on the floor as he practically choked on his blood, She remembered the fear engulf in her as she and him had stood as the Irish she remembered patching up once had gone to grab Abel before she could get to him Kip was on the floor , and as she slid down to the floor her heart beating double its normal pace and then to have a gun placed against her head , When she had been tied up her eyes had remained on Abel were Cameron has put him in the cot.

Tara felt the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach , as her hands rubbed her stomach Protecting her other son as she sobbed for the one now in someone else's arms, She had been so afraid when Abel had been taken from her, And even after all that Jax still blamed her , that was why she couldn't tell him about the baby , There baby because she wasn't sure he'd care , she understood he was upset over Abel , shed tried to help she had wanted to go with them but the way he had screamed in her face how they wasn't her family , had tore her heart out.  
>she felt the tears stream down her face as she rocked her body clutching Abeles blanket trying to get comfort from it , she was tied or running , from jax from the club from herself , but when ever she tried to stand her feet down he pushed , and pushed till he hurt her in the worse way he knew he could..<p>

She'd most likely be spending the night in the nursery she couldn't sleep in 'there' bed with out him there.  
>She had packed her bag after finding him with Ima but she couldn't stay alone she needed the comfort of the house they had shared.<br>Her family, she had literally felt her chest burst in to tiny pieces as the words he spat at her echoed, he was wrong, so wrong they was her family. Abel and him , she could maybe get past his hatful words , Gemma had tried to point out he was hurt , but the whole Ima thing was different , walking into that room , the room he had comforter her in when she was to afraid to go home and see the blood stain from john being shot in her bedroom , the room he had made love to her slowly in., she breathed in heavy not letting the vision or the feeling of his body thrusting against hers , as she curled up next to the cot , the blanket around her stomach as if she was trying to let her two children bond in some way.

She felt so much guilt, guilt for letting Abel go, guilt for not telling Jax about the baby, Guilt for feeling all these things whilst HER son was missing.  
>Shed be told to go home from work due to the state of her , Tig, and piney had tried to help her but she had refused to let them in , she didn't want them , there hugs , kisses to the hair and warm arms embracing her wasn't what or who she needed and she couldn't even lie to her self in telling her self they was his arms , she picked the phone out her pocket looking at the screen seeing it show it was in the early hours of the morning, She was meant to be going with Lyla for her abortion today , Tara had been thinking the thought over through out her head several times If Jax didn't want her , how would she cope with a baby, How would she cope seeing Jax in there baby , it was simple she knew she wouldn't be able to.<p>

The thought had wreaked havoc in her brain and she had tried numerous times to control her thoughts, Gemma knew her feelings since she had sworn her to silence.  
>She decided to try , once more , she had to try she needed to , she picked the phone up and went to the message box , letting her fingers type furiously along the keypad as she wrote her feeling down for him , how she felt and what she needed him to know.<p>

* * *

><p><strong><span>Jax Pov<span>**

Laying in the bedroom in the flat the Irish had welcomed the club into Jax looked up to the ceiling wondering were everything had gone so fucking wrong.  
>The trip to Ireland had been anything but fucking smooth, first they had been stopped by the police and nearly deported before they even stepped over the motherfucking boarder, then they had been a rat inside who had blown there own men up causing the Sons to loose at least five men.<p>

He was lucky his brothers had been there, his shoulders to lean on, the priest was beginning to piss Jax the fuck off but with the IRA having tight ranks with him clay had warned Jax to try get Abel back with as little blood as they could.

And for once Jax had agreed, He just wanted to feel his son in his arms again. Wanted to be able to see his face and know he was safe.

The fact he had found out his father had , another family in Ireland was something he'd deal with once everything else was fixed , because that shit just wasn't sinking in with him , special when he and his sister had nearly fucked right in her mothers shop , it was only Gemma and her stopping them.

In truth Jax felt a pull towards her , but it wasn't a pull in which was romantic , it was a simple 'get Tara the fuck out my head pull'  
>No one but Clay and his mother knew about Trinity and Jax was damn straight keeping it that way.<p>

He was tired and was loosing the energy to focus on anything , he just wanted to get Abel and go back home and try forget about the whole shit storm Ireland was turning into.

That was just the shit going down here , Home in charming was a whole other shit storm Jax wasn't even sure what was going to happen once he got home.

Tara , had been in his head no matter what he had done, she was there and he hated it , he knew he'd hurt her but fuck it was for the best, since he found out how deep the shit had gone down he needed her out of the situation.

He had promised he wouldn't let anything happen to her and he knew him being in Ireland he couldn't keep that promise he needed to cut the ties , shit was getting way out of control for The sons and Jax wasn't even sure how safe his own life was.

She had pushed , pushed him hard when he had first tried to get her to leave, he was horrible and hated doing it to her every time he seen the fucking water rising in her eyes he had nearly choked on the lies , she wouldn't let him give up , but Jax was sure she hated him now, he knew he'd been a fucking prick , and maybe he had taken it to far, he'd seen the look on her face and the hurt in her eyes when he had told her to pack her shit and go back to charming , she had tried standing her ground saying she was going with him to Ireland but fuck if he could let that shit happen , he couldn't concentrate on keeping her safe special when he knew jimmy had been lying to him about Abeles were about's shit was going down and Jax couldn't have the worry of his old lady on his mind.

She had pushed even going as far to reveal how her and his mother had just killed someone in the very basement they was stood arguing in the thought of Tara doing anything like his lifestyle caused his blood to boil this was what he hated her changing to fit in his life , putting her self in them situations he hadn't meant to spit the words out but he knew they would make her step back from him and he needed that , he knew saying she wasn't there family was low but he had to , he needed her to see.

But it hadn't lasted for long , shed found him cleaning the nursery and had expressed her feelings , Jax had tried so hard to close his eyes not letting them see the look in hers , and to try tune out her words but they hit him right in his heart , and he couldn't help but pull her to him and kiss her back putting every sorry he needed her to feel into the kiss.

That night he made love to her , slowly trying with all his might to show her , to let her know he loved her so much and he was so sorry for he was about to do, he needed the memory of her , the memory of the them together and he needed the feeling of her legs wrapped around his thighs as he thrust inside her and felt her body react to him and his to her. He needed the feeling only she could give him.

He had given Ima a lift earlier in the day and she had been pushing her self up on him more , he knew she was the one person Tara hated , in truth Jax didn't really like her , she was just going to be a prop in his plan , the last thorn in the rose. The next day Jax had whispered his love to Tara before she woke before having a shower ,and leaving he ignored her all day even when she came to the club house to see him , he was quite and distant like he had been since Abel's disappearance he could see it in her eyes she knew what he was doing, she knew he was pushing her away again.

The funeral of Kips he held her hand but no words was spoken between them , he couldn't he didn't know what to say he felt so guilty looking to the coffin with his brother in knowing he had died to try save Jaxs family.

That night he didn't go home instead he had drinks at the club house and when Ima had arrived and flirted back with her before taking her to his room and fucking the shit out of her , it wasn't about Ima , It could have been anyone Jax just needed to hate himself and wanted Tara to as well. He needed her to.  
>the next morning he woke looking at the clock as Ima went to the bathroom , he herd a compassion in the hall and before his mind could contradict his plan the door opened showing the distraught face of Tara he seen her eyes dart to the bra and heels on the floor , before they trailed over his bed and his body with a disgust look.<br>Just as she went to speak ima appeared at the bathroom door a smirk on her lips as she had teased Tara , who in turn grace Jax a look that would usual shrivel his balls and slamming out his room , Ima had attempted to crawl back into bed with him , which he had simple rolled over and told her to get the fuck out. She had tried to lean down but his hand had stopped her pushing her off as he lit a cigarette.

He felt shit for what he had done , leaning his head against the pillow listening to see if his brothers was still playing poker with the Irish Jax sighed , he needed to get her out of his head , but he couldn't , and that hurt worse. He was getting Abel back tomorrow , he just needed one more day before he could go home and decides what needs to be done.

As Jax went to lean on his side he felt the vibration of his mobile in his pocket, leaning down and grabbing the jittering device , he flipped the screen seeing his inbox flashing telling him he had a message , thinking it was one of the sons still in charming he clicked it sitting up slightly.

The dryness hit his through as he seen the name TARA appearing at the top.  
>he panicked auto metrically wondering if this was like all them years ago , were she left him a message to tell him she was leaving , suddenly he felt his chest tighter with the thought of her leaving charming again.<p>

feeling like shit had hit the fan he scrolled down and let an almighty breath out seeing the words at the bottom of the text

_you cant take back all them promises , all the love you gave to me , we love you and well be here when your home , because jax were not going anywhere.  
>T<br>your old lady xxxx_

Jax read the words three times before scrolling through the whole message the rest of it was explaining how she felt , the fear in her , and how she thought jax blamed her for abels kidnapping , which of course he didn't it was that fucking Atf agents fault shed caused all the shit lately but he couldn't get his head around her words 'we'.

Lighting another cigarette he bit his lip breathing in the nicotine before texting her back

_WE ?_

I know im sorry  
>I love you to<br>I know ive hurt you but baby I … I knew it would be the only way to make you let me go  
>can we talk once im home ?<br>J

He laid there staring at the screen wondering what the fuck else he could say before letting his finger hit the send butting.

Ten minutes later her reply came causing  
>Jax to have a feeling they were going to be just fine.<p>

_We as in our baby and Abels brother , I love you both bring our boy home  
>T<em>

Jax grinned as he grabbed the phone and rang her knowing full well he needed to hear her voice , needed to hear her tell them words and to hear her love for him and there son.

His family.

A-n I know the ending is a bit bleh but I did original want it to be a big blow out but it was getting to long for a short one shot I was aiming for , maybe I will continue this im not sure but for now im just looking for feedback on it , thanks


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